Protecting Herself
by SarahShalomDavid
Summary: Those beautiful emerald eyes looked down at him, "There will be no off the job Jethro", she said softly to the aging face that stood before her. She was protecting herself. It wasn't that she didn't love him. It was the opposite. She loved him more than anything else in the world and always had done.


The red headed director stood on the top step that led to her office, her hair was perfectly pinned into a professional bun and her suit was pristine. She looked impeccable, a true beauty and she portrayed true elegance.

Two steps below her was a silver haired agent otherwise known as 'Leroy Jethro Gibbs', he looked up at her through bright blue eyes which were filled with pure love and adoration. A love that had never gone away after their years apart, he had married to try and get over the loss of the woman he loved but none compared to her.

He would always find himself comparing the woman he was with to her, they were never as pretty as her, their eyes never shone like hers, their lips never seemed as soft or inviting as hers did and overall they simply never did measure up to the beauty that was and is Jennifer Shepard. He loved her before Paris, he loved her during and he had loved her ever since. His heart was hers and he knew that but he also knew that each and every day that he awoke without her broke it a little more.

She was the real reason his bed remained unslept in for years, he slept in the bed with his wives but not all the time because waking up without her there made it more unbearable than he cared to admit. He showed this tough exterior to everyone but truth be told that was a cover for the hurt he felt deep in the depths of his heart.

The day she left he had planned on proposing to her, not as part of the cover but simply as them. The restaurant was booked and it was all planned as their mission had ended the previous day but somewhere in between the mission ending and him awaking, she had left. Left without him, leaving their bed cold and heart broken. He never truly told anyone how much it had hurt him to awake to a cold bed, her clothing gone and more importantly her gone.

The memory of the cold bed haunted him especially when he had slept in his bed and so he had decided that sleeping in his own bed without her simply wasn't worth the heartache when he woke. It didn't matter that it occasionally caused him back pain or neck pain. At least he didn't have to wake to a cold bed and the memory of making love to her.

Those beautiful emerald eyes looked down at him, "There will be no off the job Jethro", she said softly to the aging face that stood before her. She was protecting herself. It wasn't that she didn't love him. It was the opposite. She loved him more than anything else in the world and always had done.

When she left him in Paris, she had been terrified. Terrified that the love between them was nothing but an act. Terrified that when the mission ended that she would have to go back to being his subordinate and that he wouldn't be open to the idea of continuing the romantic relationship that they had built together. She was scared that she was only sex to him. She was so unsure whether or not his behavior towards her was an act or not that she did the only thing she could think of. She ran. She ran from him because she was too scared to be hurt. She ran to protect herself and that was exactly what she was doing again with him years later.

She found herself regretting her return to NCIS, knowing that being with him day in day out would cause her even more heartache and torture her to death slowly. Being near him however made her heart leap into her throat and she felt a warmth flow through her as though he were a warm blanket that wrapped around her with a sense of security and love. She thought she was being delusional at the idea of it but being around him, being near him was what she had truly missed for years. She wanted to be with him but would settle for simply being near him.

He covered his pain that stemmed from her comment with a smirk and a slight shake of his head, "Too bad Jen", he said softly, "I missed you". She felt her heart break when she said the words to him and even more so when she saw the flash of hurt in his eyes. It was so quickly covered that she second guessed what she had seen and put it down as wishful thinking on her part. Why would he be upset? Was he simply upset because he wouldn't get laid? Or was it something more? Oh how much she wished it was something more and that he felt the same heartache that she felt day in, day out.

She wanted to tell him that she missed him too, she wanted him to take her into his arms and kiss her but she instead turned away from him. She willed the tears to stay back and not to show themselves so that it would not be revealed as to how much her heart broke to say the words she had to him. She couldn't face him. She couldn't look into those blue eyes because she knew that the wall she had built would fall and that the tears that threatened to fall would win and cascade down her pale cheeks. She knew that she wouldn't be able to hold the salty drops back any longer and instead hastily made her way into her office.

Cynthia looked up briefly as the Director made her past her and made no comment concerning the tear filled green eyes that refused to make contact with her and instead looked directly ahead as she walked. She made no comment about the fact that her boss was biting her lip in an attempt not to cry.

Closing the door behind her, the well dressed woman collapsed onto the sofa that resided in her office and the wall fell. The tears won out and cascaded down her face as Jen broke down in the confines of her office. Her body wracked with sobs as she cried. The salty tears running down her face and a few drops fell onto her shirt.

Jethro followed her towards her office, following his gut instinct and when he saw the door close he sighed. As he went to grab hold of the metal handle that would give him access to the Director's office, he heard a noise that broke his heart even more than it already was; he heard her sob. Following his heart rather than his gut instinct, he opened the door slowly and carefully before he slipped inside. He didn't want her to jump or try to pretend everything was okay when he knew it wasn't. He wanted to know what was wrong and for her to know that he already knew something wasn't right.

She continued to cry into the palms of her hands, her body shaking as she cried and tears streaming down her face like a salty waterfall. The eyes of the beautiful redheaded woman were rimmed with a pink outline from the effect of crying.

The silver haired man simply sat beside her and wrapped his arms around her smaller frame. He did not ask permission but truthfully, he didn't need it. Her arms went round him instinctively and she clung to him as she breathed in the scent of sawdust and bourbon along with the scent that was distinctively him. She noticed that he still wore the same deodorant that he had used the years previously, the same one that she had purchased for him in Paris.

She sobbed as she clung to him and after a few minutes she gradually pulled back from him, "I'm sorry", she mumbled as she used the handkerchief that he had handed her to clean up her face a little bit.

He let the apology slip by and didn't quote the rule about apologies to her, instead he asked the question he wanted to ask, "What's wrong Jen?", he enquired gently as he cupped her cheek.

She leant into his palm and briefly closed her eyes at the warmth of his hand. Jen pulled back slightly and shook her head, "Nothing, I'm fine". She tried to lie and brush it off by saying she was just hormonal from that time of the month.

Jethro smirked and shook his head, "Don't lie Jen", he said simply, "You tell me there's no off the job and then you come in here and bawl your eyes out?". He watched her but the emerald eyes he had come to love refused to meet his, "Shouldn't I be the one that's upset?", he commented, "I'm the one that misses you remember?". A sad smile graced his lips as he spoke and his hand had moved back to the softness of her cheek with his thumb brushing away the stray tears that descended from her eyes.

"What am I supposed to say Jethro?", she asked as she looked up into his bright blue eyes, "What do you want me to say?". She had asked the same question twice in two different ways but hadn't meant to and didn't even realise she had done it until after the fact.

"The truth would be good", Jethro said softly with a sigh, glad that he had closed the office door behind him when he entered but wishing he could take her into his arms and kiss her. Kiss her and never ever let her go again.

She shook her head, "What? That I miss you too? That saying there won't be any off the job is simply to protect myself from being hurt and that I left you in Paris for that exact reason.."

He cut her off with a disbelieving and heavy sigh, "You left me in Paris to protect yourself? Jen? Do you not realise how much that hurt? To wake up to find you gone the day after we finished the mission", he shook his head, "I had planned to propose that day… I actually let myself believe that you loved me like I loved you". His hand was no longer on her cheek but instead it was running down his own face in a rubbing motion that tugged slightly at his skin and showed his disbelief. "Had it all planned Jen… fell asleep with the woman I love in my arms, ready for the day that tomorrow would bring but when I awoke you were gone. I was woken up by room service.. they bought the breakfast up that I'd ordered the night before for you", he revealed with a heavy and hurt filled voice.

Her emerald eyes were staring at him in shock, "You.. were… were going to propose to me?", she questioned in disbelief.

He scoffed and shook his head, "I loved you Jen and wanted to spend the rest of my life with you", he sighed heavily and ran his hand through his silver hair, "Still do despite everything.. I still love you and no matter how hard I try not to… I think I always will".

"Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life Jethro, I thought I was protecting myself but I did quite the opposite", she said softly reaching out to take a hold of his hand, "I would give everything to be able to go back and change what I did but I can't".

"Trust me Jen, I wish we could go back too", he sighed heavily looking up at her, "Carried that damn ring with me for years hoping you'd come back but no matter how much I wanted it, you never did".

The red headed woman sighed, "I'm here now Jethro", she said softly to him

Jethro nodded, "Then stop trying to protect yourself Jen because all you're doing is hurting us both and I'm not sure I can take anymore of it… I doubt you can either", he said gently, "Let me protect you instead Jen". He sighed and cupped her cheek lovingly, "Just let me love you Jen, please?", he asked softly, he felt like he was begging her to and this was a side to him that nobody else saw of him. This was the side that was soft, romantic and quite mushy.

She couldn't take it anymore and needed to follow through with the urge that she had since the day she had been reunited with him, the day she had been reunited with the man she loved. Loves. Jennifer Shepard grabbed the lapels of his jacket and yanked him forward, pulling him close enough that her lips met his in a fierce and passionate kiss.

His hands laced into her long red hair, removing it from the neat updo she had and held her close.

Director Shepard would always regret her choice to leave the man she loved in Paris but she knew that there would be no more regrets as they went onwards with their lives together. When he placed that ring on her finger and she was announced as Director Gibbs, she knew that she finally had the forever she wanted with the man she loved and would love forever.


End file.
